Joke 1:
A man takes the day off of work and decides to go out golfing. He is
on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green.
He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit
9 Iron." The man looks round and doesn't see anyone so he tries
again. "Ribbit. 9 Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove
the frog wrong, puts his other club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom!
he hits a birdie . He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow that's
amazing. You must be a lucky frog eh?" The frog replies "Ribbit,
Lucky frog. Lucky frog." The man decided to take the frog with him
to the next hole. "What do you think frog?" the man asks.
"Ribbit 3 wood," was the reply.
The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom! Hole in one. The man is
befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the
man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "Ok
where to next?" The frog's reply, "Ribbit Las Vegas".
They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "Ok frog, now what?"
The frog says , "Ribbit Roulette". Upon approaching the roulette
table the man asks," what do you think I should bet?" The frog
repies, "Ribbit $3000 black 6." Now, this is a million to one shot
that this would win but after the golf game, the man figures what the
heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table. The
man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel.
He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you.
You won me all this money and I am forever grateful." The frog
replies, "Ribbit, Kiss Me". He figures why not, since after all the
frog did for him he deserves it. All of a sudden the frog turns into
the most gorgeous 16 year old girl in the world.
"And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room".
Joke 2:
>
>It seems that when God was making the world, he called man over and
>bestowed upon him twenty years of normal sex life.
>
>Man was horrified. "Only twenty years of normal sex life?" But the Lord
>was very adamant - that was all man could have. Then the Lord called the
>monkey and gave him twenty years. "But I don't need twenty years", he
>protested, ten is plenty for me."
>Man spoke up eagerly, "Can I have the other ten?"
>The monkey graciously agreed.
>
>Then the Lord called the lion and gave him twenty years, and the lion, like
>the monkey, wanted only ten. Again the man spoke up, "Can I have the other
>ten?" The lion said of course he could.
>
>Then came the donkey and he was given twenty years but, like the others,
>ten was sufficient and again man pleaded, "Can I have the other ten?"
>
>Which explains why man has twenty years of normal sex life, plus ten years
>of monkeying around, ten years of lion about it, and ten years of making an
>ass of himself.
>
>
Joke 3:
Two guys who wanted to get a job at a computer company 'way up North
decided they'd better get a college education so they could interact
with intelligent people, learn to read books, think, and be
contributing citizens of the global village.
They enrolled in the local junior college, and the first guy went in
to see his advisor, who said, "Randy, I want you to take history,
math, and logic." "What's logic?" asked Randy.
"Well," said the professor, "I'll give you an example. Do you own a
weed-eater?" "Why, yes, I do," replied Randy. "OK," continued the
professor, "logic tells me that you have a yard!"
"Amazing," gushed the young rube. "And," continued the professor,
"since you have a yard, logic tells me that you have a house." "I do!
I do!" exclaimed the boy.
"And," continued the professor, "if you have a house, you probably
have a wife. And, since you have a wife, I conclude that you are a
heterosexual."
"Gaaaa-lee!" said Randy. "That logic is sump'n else!"
He goes outside, and his friend, Buck, asks him what classes he's
going to take. "I'm gonna take history, math, and logic." "What's
logic?" asks Buck.
"OK," says Randy, "I'll give you an example: Do you own a weed-eater?"
"Uh, no," replies Buck.
Andy pauses a bit and says "You're QUEER, ain'tcha?"